Its hard if you think its hard and its doable if you think it is doable

When I got assigned to read and present on an academic paper for Ubiquitous Computing class, I tried to read the first page and gave up immediately. It was so damn hard. The paper covers terminologies far beyond my undergraduate experience and topics far beyond my interest. I quickly skimmed through it, not bothering to understand the diagrams and blaming Ajarn for assigning such a difficult paper. I told myself I bet she doesn't realise how impossibly difficult this paper is to read. Our group was to present on the paper next week and after the presentation, all of our classmates were to ask a question.

I complained to my group members about how hard the paper is. Don't even bother to read it, I told them. I did the slides with incredible difficulty, creating an slide-version of the paper. I did the paper without even thinking. When I was done with the slides, I told my teammates that I was done but I hated every second of it. Why? Because I had learned virtually nothing.

Then I re-evaluated the work I did. It sucked. I thought of presenting this paper to the entire class. It must suck, standing there and telling my classmates I'm sorry but I really can't answer because I have no idea what the paper is about. That thought of presenting sub-standard failure of a presentation made me feel uneasy. I can't stand doing work that isn't great.

Later, I messaged the professor and said I had trouble understanding the paper. She set up an appointment with the TA. After half an hour with him guiding me through some things, I realise that the paper is a lot easier than I thought. When I went back to read it, I realised that it was only hard because i thought it was hard. Turns out if I tried I could actually make some sense out of it.

Thanks to the TA who told me: don't be afraid of the paper. If you are afraid, you won't be able to understand it.